Finding your “Purpose” as a Mother – What does that even mean?

Guest blog for The Mindful Playground by Lorna Lyons,

Life by Design Coach & Mentor

@sidehustlemums @bumpandbeyondwellness

When I began my pursuit of “purpose”, I was 38 years old. I was a mother to three young kids, living through a global pandemic and when life became quiet and we were forced to stay at home, I began to think about what my “purpose” for being was. Surely it was my children, right?…

I felt slightly uncomfortable in the lack of satisfaction that this thought filled me with. I love my kids with every fibre of my being, but what about me – what about my own identity that is separate from them? Does that even matter?

I decided it did and I began looking up university courses, to see if there was anything there that could pique my interest and guide me towards what my “purpose” should be. I found something. I didn’t instantly recognise it as my guiding light towards “purpose”, but I found something that I considered worth investing in and herein began the journey of completing a 2-year part time Masters in Applied Psychology (Positive Psychology Coaching).

If you are unaware of what positive psychology coaching is, in essence it identifies all the amazing exercises and interventions that are used during therapy with individuals who do not feel mentally well. Instead of being reactive to illness and waiting to use these resources and interventions for when a person does not feel well, we become proactive about it and use these resources with people who feel well, but help them to feel happier and enjoy a more flourishing life.

Some examples of these positive psychology exercises and interventions which are used to increase a person’s feelings of happiness are

·       walks in nature

·       savouring life’s joys

·       acts of kindness

·       cultivating optimistic thinking

·       acts of forgiveness to name a few…

Through the coaching I received personally during this Masters, I had the opportunity to reconnect with myself.

I had the opportunity to rediscover what kind of things brought me joy. I had the opportunity to expand my thinking on how I was living my life and I started to notice elements of Groundhog Day behaviour, where I was repeating similar patterns, day in, day out – patterns that were not necessarily serving me in any way other than the belief system that I was meant to follow a particular path.

For me this looked like, get up, get my kids dressed & fed, drop them to the childminders, go to my job that I did not love, teach in a classroom for the day wishing I was back home, watching the clock until the end of the school day, driving to the childminders, picking up my tired cranky kids at the end of a long day, making dinner as quickly as possible because the demands were high at that time in the day and then finding myself wishing for bedtime so that I could get them down and I could get some rest. Once they were down, I often felt guilty for my relief because I had not been with them all day. Then I would get the house clean and sorted for the next day and the cycle could begin again. On repeat.

Through positive psychology coaching, I discovered that I did not need to be a passive consumer of my life’s circumstances.

I could in fact be the architect of them and design my life in a way that aligned with my own personal values.

With this newfound mind frame about how I could create happier serving actions in my life, I wanted to share this knowledge with other mums. Instagram became my place to share my voice. I shared what I did from day to day and inspired other women to take up new activities, to jump in the sea, to drink more water and read more books. The feedback from other mothers was energising and I enjoyed the interaction over social media where I felt like I was having a positive impact on other people’s lives.

This interaction increased my confidence. I began to own my voice, something that I had always struggled with. I challenged myself to be brave and start building a business, one that could allow me to leave my teaching job so that I could be home with my children and living in a way that was aligned with what made me happy.

Fast forward by 2 years and I have set up my own business, helping other mothers find their purpose through following a passion of theirs and setting up businesses online that can be more flexible around their children’s needs. I have reconstructed what my day to day life looks like and have truly become the architect of life by my own design.

My “purpose” which I was searching for and really had no clue what it actually meant, was actually finding what made me happy. That’s what “purpose” means to me now.

The pursuit of happiness was the beginning steps for me, identifying what it was that I really wanted in life, not living life as I had always been conditioned to believe it should be lived.

Once the awareness of what makes you happy has been identified, then you can start strategizing how you can go about bringing more of that joyful activity into your world.

My children are my world. I love them to absolute bits as I know you do as a mother to your children. Finding my purpose has allowed me to redefine my understanding that I could be more than a really good mum to my children. I could be more than one thing.

There is more for us all if we want it, we just have to go looking.

Lorna Lyons

Life by Design Coach & Mentor

@sidehustlemums

@bumpandbeyondwellness