In Unraveling Motherhood, my book exploring the very idea of what motherhood means to us individually, I begin the fourth chapter with a strong statement. “I am a flawed human being,” I say. I almost asked for these words to be printed in thick bold ink, dark and imposing as the idea of being flawed so often is. But I wanted these words to strike a chord, to sit so explicitly in the eyeline of the reader so that they are understood and recognised in all of their vulnerability. I go on to say, “I am a flawed mother. And that’s ok.”

Who would dare admit such a thing? Aren’t we encouraged to be the best mother we can be, to mother naturally and gracefully and always be in tune with the needs of our children? Well, I am not always the natural mother. I most certainly am not graceful, and I second guess what my children need almost daily, perhaps hourly.

“Saying this out loud could quite possibly be the best gift I can give you on these pages because we don’t always hear this kind of vulnerable truth,” I say in Unraveling Motherhood. “When we admit to something so utterly human, it almost feels like permission to let go of trying to be more than we are and accept the entirely passionate, dedicated, and imperfectly wonderful person we are. To say, “I am flawed and that’s ok,” is a vulnerability like no other because we ask ourselves to recognize our own misgivings and most importantly how they may affect those around us. Being flawed and acknowledging those flaws means we are open to learning and those flaws challenge us to look inward, to unravel.”

We are allowed to make mistakes as parents. We are all flawed human beings. Becoming a parent does not suddenly make us superhuman or someone who always has the right answer. Even though as kids, we thought our parents could never do any wrong, believe me when I say, they too made mistakes, they also found it hard, and raising you certainly challenged them. Let’s run through some of the most common parenting mistakes we all make and how we can rectify them if needs be because not all flaws need to be rectified.

Parenthood is half parenting, and half wallowing in guilt! I’m half kidding.

We Lie – And even though we lie to our kids, we expect them not to lie to us. I lie mostly about when the playground is closing or that the shop ran out of sweets. I do wonder how long I will get away with this one. But when we lie, we are teaching our kids that it’s ok to lie.

We Break Promises – Quickly promising your son you will take him to the arcade at the weekend before remembering there’s GAA, the weekly food shop, and a mountain of other things to do, means breaking promises is something we do more often than we’d like as parents. We may not mean to break our promise but the overwhelm and exhaustion of parenthood will mean it is likely to happen at some stage.

We Compare – Comparing our kids to their friends or others is one of those parenting mistakes we tend to fall into as the school calendar creeps in or recitals take over our weekly schedule. Comparing our kids, especially directly to our kids, highlights their differences and capabilities in a negative light.

We Role Model Badly – Kids watch our every move. When you think they’re not watching or listening, believe me, they are hearing more than you think. We act as role models for our kids who may take on the same behaviours as us. For instance, be careful when talking negatively about your appearance as this could highlight poor body image.

Rectifying These Mistakes

When rectifying these mistakes, it’s not as simple as no longer lying, keeping your promises, avoiding comparison, or acting as a positive role model – although, all of this will help of course. The first step is realising that you have made a mistake and acting appropriately afterward, being self-compassionate and understanding of yourself.

Admit when you are wrong – recognise your mistake and say sorry.

Forgive yourself – parenthood is half parenting, and half wallowing in guilt! I’m half kidding. When rectifying our mistakes, we can’t be so hard on ourselves. We are human and flawed after all so forgive yourself and avoid wallowing.

Reconnect with your child – When we make mistakes there may be big feelings all around. Help your child to understand what they are feeling by giving them time to communicate and reconnect with you.

Try harder next time – We will continually make mistakes in parenthood, but we can aim to be better next time around.

And remember that fundamental concept that being flawed, making mistakes, trying again, is inherently human. “Our flaws make us real, give us humanity, and add to the plot twists of our life. How boring would it be if we are all so perfectly ideal?” I ask in Unraveling Motherhood.

Geraldine’s new book is available now to pre-order on Amazon. Unraveling Motherhood: Understanding Your Experience Through Self-Reflection, Self-Care & Authenticity by Geraldine Walsh

“In this beautiful book, Geraldine gently guides us through the unraveling of our journeys through motherhood to finding our identities again, so we can begin to work on loving and accepting who we are through the ups and the lows. This book is a wonderful toolkit to work through those confusing internal thoughts throughout motherhood. It offers evidence-based, tried, and tested self-care tools and techniques to guide us through the noise.” —DR. MALIE COYNE, author of Love In, Love Out: A Compassionate Approach to Parenting Your Anxious Child.