Love is Being Present by Niquelle Abdul-Malak aka "Mrs. A”
Niquelle’s mission is to support families and children on their lifelong journey of learning. Through classes, free lessons, stories, and community-building, she hopes to foster confidence, creativity, and a love of learning that will last a lifetime! You can connect with Niquelle here: www.startyourdaywithmrsa.com
Working with children for nearly two decades has taught me myriad lessons, but none of which is greater than our innate desire to be known and loved. Young people show up with this need fully and frequently, and we have much to learn from their openness and vulnerability. Imagine with me, if you will, stepping into a classroom full of Kindergarteners. You may be a parent, an aunt or uncle, a volunteer, etc. but the response will always be the same. Regardless of who you are or where you’re from - students will swarm you. Smiles abound as they vie for your attention, to show you that they’re there, that they’re special. And they are. We all are.
Being present
In my work as an educator, lifelong learner, and ultimately, a human, I seek to meet people where they are and let them know that they are seen and loved. I’m reminded of Mr. Roger’s quote, “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” As Fred Rogers affirms, this is not easy work, but it is work worthy of our best efforts, day in a day out.
Whether we’re a parent, educator, party clown, or some combination of the those, the best way we can show up for the children around us is to BE PRESENT. Being present is a verb, and it too, is taxing work. It requires us to be mindful of ourselves, our emotions, our needs, and provides us an opportunity to pause to recognize those things, while creating space to honour the needs of the growing person in front of us. Now, I’m not advocating for a self-sacrificing type of presence, rather, the deep work of meeting our needs first, so we can then be mindful of the other needs around us. I’m also not suggesting that we meet every need of every child every time. That would be impossible and ultimately harmful. However, we can model for our children, (‘ours’ literally and figuratively), how we manage our emotions and needs in a healthy way, and thus teach them how they can manage theirs.
Focusing on our senses
Mindfulness is a lifelong practice that we will likely never master, but thankfully we are all given countless opportunities to practice it each day. One of the simplest ways we can tap into a more mindful lifestyle is by focusing on our senses. Intentionally using our senses helps us get to know ourselves better and grounds us with our environment, no matter where we are. The wonderful thing about focusing on our senses is that it not only calms us but allows us to be delightful observers of the world. What beautiful thing is catching your eye? Which type of bird may be singing off in the distance? How does your scarf feel against your neck? When we take time to get to know ourselves and our environment, we can better make space for the other people in our lives, and their emotions, needs and experiences, too.
“Listening is where love begins listening to ourselves and then to our neighbours.” Mr. Roger’s
Mr. Roger’s, again, reminds us of something vitally important, if we make the space to listen to ourselves, we can go forth and provide space and time to listen to others. Listening to their silly stories, individual interests, and diverse dreams is SERIOUS BUSINESS. Listening lovingly, intently, and sprinkled with questions of curiosity, will deepen the connection between adult and child, and ultimately make them feel known and loved. Thus meeting, even in small moments, that critical need we all have.
The importance of listening to hear, instead of listening to respond or react has lasting impacts. Unlike saying “I love you” and offering hugs, (which is also important and comforting), there is something significantly more meaningful about consistently making time and space to be present with the humans in front of you. What’s even more remarkable is that children (and adults!) often feel fulfilled with only 10-15 minutes of intentional time invested together. Isn’t it incredible that such a small daily practice can have so great and powerful an impact?
We too, are human
Since children are some of the most intelligent, observant, and intuitive beings amongst us, they will know if we are offering our presence fully, or half-heartedly. Of course, we will not show up perfectly and mindfully in every encounter, and that’s okay! We too, are human. Recognizing, naming, and learning from those times and situations will be another beautiful reminder of our love and compassion towards ourselves and the children of world (of which, I’d argue, we all are.)
If you’re curious about more ways to you and your children can practice mindfulness check out my free & paid offerings at StartYourDayWithMrsA.com
