Creativity as a coping mechanism

2020, 2021 and into early 2022 was undoubtedly the toughest period of my life. 

Moving into our beautiful new home with our toddler in tow and another baby on the way should have been an extremely exciting and uplifting day. However, the opposite proved itself to be true as that was the day that the first lockdown hit in March 2020. The feeling of sheer isolation and fear during what was also the last trimester of an incredibly difficult pregnancy was completely overwhelming to me. As I’ve mentioned previously on my own social media channels, I made the grave error of telling noone what I was going through. I hid it all from my husband, my parents, my sisters, my friends, my GP, my midwives at the time, everyone. I hid panic attacks, feelings of complete and utter despair, low mood, isolation and a near constant, foreboding sense of fear.

Eventually, whilst feeling completely overwhelmed with life, living in a constant and heightened sense of anxiety, I admitted to feeling ‘a little bit’ anxious to my GP.

He, naturally, realised it was much more than that. This started off a long road that would eventually lead to a diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder in March 2021 and due to the severe panic attacks I was experiencing, I also received a diagnosis of Panic Disorder. 

Under the care of my GP, my (now former) counsellor and my Consultant Psychiatrist, I received fantastic and much-needed help to get me back on track. That being said, one additional thing that I would give huge credit to in helping me to cope with the severity of my anxious thoughts and feelings, was the discovery of my creative side. 

In my working life as a financial auditor, creativity was not encouraged - in fact, creative accounting is somewhat frowned upon! However, following a brutal and extremely painful breakdown in my mental health in late 2021 and while on sick leave from work after this experience, I discovered the world of Cricut. This opened up a creative world to me that I had never been a part of before. 

I quickly found that this creativity allowed me to fully express my emotions, process my thoughts, and more important than anything else, it distracted me from difficult or overwhelming situations.

It allowed me to switch off from those things that were proving too difficult for me to handle but also helped me to feel connected to others by allowing me to create items for them. I found myself constantly trying new things, new crafts, new methods of doing things, trying to perfect things that a few months earlier I had never even heard of - something that would trigger the biggest of panic attacks in normal circumstances. But I relished the opportunity to express myself. The fact that I was able to near silence the anxious thoughts I had been having was no mean feat and I absolutely loved pottering away in the spare room upstairs - the room that would one day become the Rainbow Crescent studio.

When I found out in early 2022 that I would be made redundant from my permanent, steady job, I found that the people closest to me were actively encouraging me to explore this creative side more. While it was something I had quietly considered in the background, I didn’t feel self assured enough to go for it so this external encouragement was much needed. My confidence levels had taken a battering when my mental health suffered but I also knew that this creative side was something that deserved to be explored. It made me feel empowered to express myself and it made me feel fantastic making items that meant something to others.

While starting a business may seem stressful or anxiety-inducing to some, it has only ever been exciting to me.

Of course there have been tough days but herein lies where my mindset has changed, there will always be tough days and that is okay. There have been weeks where I have questioned what the next step is and that too is okay. I have never regretted starting. 

Since establishing Rainbow Crescent, and using my business as a platform to promote positive mental health, I feel like I have finally found my voice, my purpose. It has enabled me to open up conversations about mental health, actively promote positive mental health and wellbeing and ultimately, try to put a smile on peoples’ faces. It has changed my mindset and ultimately, it has transformed my life and given me an avenue to channel my experience with anxiety, panic attacks and depressive episodes. 

Creativity has, in many ways, been the thing that has saved me on the darkest of days. 

You can contact Sandra by visiting www.rainbowcrescent.ie or by following on Instagram @rainbowcrescent or Facebook @rainbowcrescentie.