I like to refer to myself as having autism sibling privilege.

I have the fortunate experience of  having an autistic sibling. My brother is kind, compassionate and one of my closest friends. Our friendship may be different to what you may consider a typical sibling’s relationship would or should be. But to us, its perfect. We both love to talk about travel, we love road trips through Ireland, and we are both experienced foodies! Typical life experiences are slightly different for us - births, weddings and graduations require a different perspective  and a lot of detailed preparation in our family. The fact is the world is not yet built for neurodiverse families and that leads to challenges for us siblings.

Autism siblings may experience a greater sense of responsibility and pressure from an early age. They may experience the challenges of living in a society that was not build for the uniqueness of their family. This can result in missing out of valuable parts of life. The lack of inclusion and inclusive spaces may impact all members of the family.

Recent research that has focused on autism siblings’ notes an increased pattern of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

Indications of needs for better supports for siblings as well as concerns about their future have also been reflected in recent research. The data so far is variable, and every family is different but there are steps that we can implement to support sibling’s self care.

There are so many  methods to teach and support self care, so I have focused on the four practices that have helped me develop self care the most. Those are the practice of open communication, the development of tools for self regulation, the identification of a sibling safe space and a communication of healthy boundaries.

Supporting siblings self care

Communication

Encourage open communication about autism. Have resources available for siblings if you notice they are asking questions or indicating curiosity. There are many wonderful resources available. Your local library may be happy to order some books. The biggest resource, however, will always be the parent. Remember to check in after those big meltdowns, especially if they happen in a public space.

Self Regulation

Learning to self regulate is a long-term goal for all of us! Small goals such as talking about big feelings without judgment is an achievable practice  that you can start with young children. Strategies such as deep breaths (blow out the candle and smell the flower) can be modelled and supported with all members of the family. Journaling, practicing hobbies, and one on one parent time can also help support self regulation.

Safe space

Support sibling independence by allocating safe spaces both inside and outside of the home. Safe spaces are safe places that siblings may access when they are feeling overwhelmed. It can be their room, or your room. Anywhere they can go and feel safe and secure.

Boundaries

Teach boundaries! I cannot emphasise this enough. Teach and reinforce siblings’ communication of yes and no. Both responses should be encouraged with positive reinforcement. We want to encourage siblings advocating for their own needs. Some days they may want to help more with their siblings and some days they may not. Its important for them to understand that they always have a choice.

You can connect with Doireann O’ Brien on Instagram @@a_space_for_me_